


Nobody's Perfect

by KoreArabin



Category: Dracula & Related Fandoms, Dracula (BBC), Dracula (TV 2020), Dracula - Bram Stoker
Genre: Brides of Dracula - Freeform, Gen, Legal Drama, Pedantic solicitor Johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoreArabin/pseuds/KoreArabin
Summary: "What is the point of them?"
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	Nobody's Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly little thing which appealed to my idiotic sense of humour. And also the fact that gorgeous Johnny is a Solicitor of the Senior Courts of England and Wales. Or he would be nowadays.

"What is the point of them?"

For the first time since he's known him, the Count looks puzzled.

"What do you mean? What point? What are you talking about?"

Jonathan frowns.

"I mean, what is the point of having these _brides_ , as you so charmingly refer to them, if you lock them up in boxes, starve them, and ignore them? How are they any different from those poor souls nailed up in the crates downstairs?"

Understanding dawns on Dracula's saturnine face.

"Oh. I see. I need brides, you see, as I am - umm - I am trying to reproduce, which, frankly, can be a bit of a challenge when there is only one of you."

Jonathan sighs. "Riiight. So, two things. Firstly, if you want to reproduce, wouldn't selecting a "bride" with a bit of - I don't know - _oomph_ , or intellectual compatibility, shared interests, hobbies, that sort of thing - be something to think about? You're going to be spending some time together, after all, so a bit of actually _liking_ your "bride" would be a good start?"

Dracula hisses. "What "hobbies" would you suggest?"

Jonathan shrugs. "I dunno. Taxidermy?"

"I'll taxidermy you, you ginger twat."

Jonathan shrugs again, and huffs out a snigger.

"And, secondly. Look, I am sorry to bring this up, but I _am_ a lawyer. _Brides_ , really? Not being funny, but one, you don't strike me as the sort of chap who needs a church wedding, and two, you can have a civil partnership now, with a same sex partner or, since last year, an opposite sex partner."

Dracula shrugs. 

"Alright, squire. I get your point. But "Dracula and the "civil partners in a form of civil union granted by law to allow couples irrespective of sex to obtain essentially the same rights and responsibilities as marriage" of Dracula" doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it?"


End file.
